Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
