u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
