Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
