actually, I'm a sock model
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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