I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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