when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
