but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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