You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
