Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
