ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
