What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
