Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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