I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
