Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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