dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
