God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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