Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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