Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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