farters have to be the big spoon...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
