Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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