So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
