I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
