No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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