Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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