I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
