I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
