if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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