I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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