The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
