They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
