I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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