my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
