first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
