shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
