i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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