But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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