at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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