Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
