Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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