you would pick up someone in the library
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
