If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
