she was so not down for the gang bang
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
