he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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