I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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