I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
