You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
