i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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