Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
