i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
