I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
