If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
