no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
