If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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