i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you have feelings for this penis?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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