i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
