I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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