i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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