Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just found a bag of teeth...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
